With it being the whole New Year thing and everyone posting their new years resolutions for 2014 I thought to myself, what are my new years resolutions?!
There's loads of things I want to do but I sometimes feel like my life is on hold because of this stupid illness. I would love to be working but in reality the ratio of being well and unwell is too unpredictable therefore I don't know if I could hold down a job at the moment. Not to mention I am in and out of hospital nearly every week so I have to fit everything around that.
Some days I wake up rearing to go with an impressive amount of energy and other days I wake up and I feel very low in energy. Part of me thinks it's mental sometimes... I went from working lots of hours in Thailand with my own independence to doing nothing and now I feel like I'm stuck in a non-motivated rut. It's very frustrating. :(
My dream job is to be a graphic designer, but I still need to build up my portfolio... But I lack confidence in my own work and the lack of confidence is then double with lack of motivation... What a vicious circle.
I guess my new years resolution for this year is to get myself into some kind of self-disciplined routine where by I do some work and build up my portfolio and gain confidence in my own work. But it's much easier said than done.
I also want to lose weight as I used to be very thin and even did a bit of modelling. However now I feel frumpy and the dialysis fluid makes me look bloated and horrible. I wish I felt a bit more sexier in myself and didn't have this stupid tube coming out of my tummy and such a weird bloated shape. :/
My apologies for the ranty post... I'm having a moment of "what the hell am I supposed to do with myself?" and I feel like everything revolves around this bloody illness.
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