After the shock of my mum having her heart attack and being told she can't be a donor to me I did feel quite down and depressed about it. Part of me was angry and thinking "Why me?!" when I thought things were going quite well after the hellish ordeal of having the catheter fitted. However i guess it's just one of those things and I'm glad it's happened now rather than later as it probably would have happened whilst she was on the operating table and that would have been much worse. The guilt would have been unbelievable. Your own mother is trying to save your life and she has a heart attack whilst trying to give you a kidney?! No thanks. I'm thankful it's happened now and see it as a sick blessing in disguise.
At the beginning of December I started to feel very ill, even though I was doing the dialysis, my energy levels dropped and I felt horrendous. I became delirious and unable to hold a conversation as I drifted in and out of consciousness. I was rushed into hospital and diagnosed with Peritonitis. An infection in the peritoneum. Very painful and unpleasant and unfortunately one of the things that can happen when you're on peritoneal dialysis. This is probably the most ill I have felt since being on dialysis and it was a very rubbish time for me and it's one of the reason I didn't update this blog as I was ill/recovering.
It turns out the dialysis treatment I was receiving was not adequate enough for me and I was building up with toxins inside my body which was making me feel rubbish and low energy. I developed weird symptoms. One of them being extreme tiredness and lethargy. The other being restless leg syndrome. How on earth this symptom relates to kidneys I have no idea, but it's apparently quite common amongst kidney failure patients.
I cannot begin to describe the frustration I felt. I wanted to do things like a normal human being but couldn't, can't sleep cause of the restless legs, tiredness was overtaking my life, added with insomnia and feeling like rubbish. Frustrated is the only word I can use to describe but overall it was a tsunami of feelings. I felt like a failure. Not only was my body letting me down, it was letting everyone else around down too. My boyfriend had to look after me pretty much and we were restricted to what we could do and couldn't do cause of my health.
The nurse confirmed that my body wasn't getting enough dialysis and the way I was feeling was similar to a person without any dialysis and my kidney function had dropped to 1%.
Yes, I am now walking around with 1% kidney function. :(
I have altered my dialysis since the beginning of December and I am starting to feel better again, however it's all a scary prospect really to think that I only have 1% kidney function left. :(
Christmas and New Year for me was a quiet one really. I spent most of the time with my boyfriend, family and friends. Having this illness has made me realise how precious life is and how important it is to have your family around you. The things we take for granted eh?
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