The silence before the storm...

So I think it was round the beginning of May I was told that my kidney had failed and I needed to start dialysis and I had to wait until 12th June to have my dialysis tenckhoff (spelling?) catheter fitted. So there was a period of about a month... Where not a lot was happening except I knew I was sick. 

I call this part the silence before the storm. 

My kidney function was 10% at the start of May and then it dropped quickly... Like every week it was dropping. I had to have weekly blood tests to monitor me closely and I was shocked at how fast it was dropping and I could feel it in myself that it was dropping. 

I think each day became more and more difficult. I was tired anyway but now I was reaching extreme levels of lethargy and tiredness and I spent most of my time in my parents bed watching TV. I started randomly being sick after food sometimes and I felt an overall general shit feeling. 

The symptoms I mentioned in my previous post became more apparent for sure. The cramps got worse and my blood pressure went up to over 200/120 or something stupid. I felt dizzy and out of it most of the time.

I got weird pins and needles in my hands and around my mouth. I figured it was my blood pressure or something but then I got a call from the hospital telling to me get my ass back there now as my calcium level were dangerously low that I shouldn't even be walking around right now... They said I should have told them how I was feeling... I feel shit. How on earth am I supposed to distinguish what I feel and whether I should be complaining to them about it? I thought the pins and needles and weird feeling was my blood pressure so I wasn't about to go all hypochondriac on them and complain about every ailment and pain I had. 

My boyfriend went back to Thailand to sort out my apartment and bring back the rest of my stuff. So I missed him a lot and I felt quite alone round about this time. When I say this, I don't mean that my friends weren't there - some of them definitely were there but I was just struggling to keep up with them and it made me feel outcast a little bit. 

The whole thing is frustrating. Everyone around you is continuing their lives at this pace you're used to yourself but now you feel like you're the last one in the race. I'm trying to keep up. All my friends want to see me as they've missed me since I've been out of the country and I barely have any energy to get out of bed. I want to see people but I just don't have the energy. My party days are well and truly over. That's how I feel.