My apologies to anyone who found the video I posted in my last post a little too much to handle. I did warn it was not for the squeamish.
I think that the way I felt after having the peritoneal dialysis catheter fitted, deserves a whole new post on it's own. This is the part I was really unprepared for and it took me by surprise and was quite a lot to deal with. I'm aware that other people who have the dialysis catheter fitted probably felt a lot better than me seeing as the first round of surgery went wrong and I had to have a more invasive procedure done the second time round.
I woke up from the general anesthetic from the second lot of surgery and I was in instant immense pain. My body felt tense from the neck down up to my knees as the pain was horrific. According to my boyfriend and family I looked like absolute shit when I came back to the ward from the operation. My lips were the same pasty white colour as my face and my eyes were so sunken in, I looked incredibly ill. This is probably a side effect of the general anesthetic as well as the pain I was in.
My torso/stomach area was in so much pain. I had woken up with a tube coming out of my stomach. This was new to me. I hated it the moment I saw it and my stomach was swollen to look like I was 9 months pregnant. My belly button now looked like a sad frown because of the swelling distorting it slightly. I felt pretty miserable and shit. The tube (catheter) coming out of me was now to be a permanent thing in my life for the time being and I was coming to terms with this.
I was given morphine and various other amounts of painkillers in order to control the pain, however they did very little. I was still in pain and completely out of it. Things seemed to take a turn for the worse when I needed the toilet. I had to actually get out of bed and go. The nurse offered me a bedpan but also suggested that I get moving as soon as possible to help speed up the recovery process. Getting out of bed was a drama in itself but when I discovered that I was actually desperate to pee and then couldn't actually go, I just started filling with fear.
I can't actually describe it really... But I was desperate to pee, with the pain that comes with being desperate but then when I actually tried to release my urine, nothing happened. Like... NOTHING. The feeling of being desperate was still there, to the point of being painful and I could do nothing about it.
Panic is the best word to describe how I felt at this moment. The urgency to go to the toilet but being unable to made me panic. I nearly had a panic attack. The pain was horrific and this was just adding to the list. The nurses tried to calm me by saying "Don't worry, your bladder muscles have tensed up after surgery. They will ease up soon and you can go." but I needed to go now... Not in due time when my bladder felt like releasing the urine.
The urgency to go didn't leave me and neither did the pain. The nurses ended up having to insert a urinary catheter to relieve me finally and I had to keep it in for over 24 hours. Urinary catheters are not fun. End of. As I'm sure anyone would have guessed, having a tube shoved up your urethra, losing all your dignity is just the icing on the cake really and I'm many of you would cringe at the thought of it.
I was unable to cough, sneeze or eat because of the pain in my stomach area. Every time I did I was bought to tears. Needless to say, I cried a lot after my operation. I know I'm a wuss in some sense. But no one told me the amount of pain I would have to endure, not being able to move, cough or sneeze or even have a fucking piss.
The day after my operation my Mum tried to lift my spirits and wanted to take me to canteen on the other side of the hospital. Hospital food is horrendous and I hadn't eaten anything in more than 36 hours. Again, transferring myself out of bed into the wheelchair was bad enough but I did it anyway. I got to the canteen and felt sick instantly. Feeling sick in a place where people are sat eating is awful and you do your best to breathe slowly and hope the waves of sickness go away. But it all became too much for me. I started to get a pain in left shoulder near my collar bone. It was an intense pain, on top of the pain I was already in and feeling nauseous. I had to get my mum to abandon the tea and food she had bought and run me back to the renal ward. I started having another panic attack. I was in tears, pain and could barely breathe.
I got back to the ward and the nurses sprung into action. They checked my blood pressure which was sky high 198/132 (normal blood pressure is 120/70) they gave me some oxygen and pumped more painkillers into my veins (IV) the doctor came to see me and told me I was having a panic attack and I would be OK soon. He said the pain in my left shoulder, near my collar bone was something called Referred Pain. Basically because my body was in so much pain round my abdomen that I started to get another pain somewhere completely unrelated. As if things couldn't feel or get any worse!
I used to find some ailments in my younger days quite funny and have the odd giggle about. I never took it seriously really but it all changed when I started to feel constipated. The cocktail of drugs I was on, the muscle tension and spasms around my bladder/bowel area caused me to get constipated. I've been constipated before, it's not especially fun but nothing prepared me for this. I was already in pain from the surgery and now I had added sharp pains on top of it. I was actually in tears because of the pain.
I ended up staying in hospital for 7 days after my operation. It was supposed to be day surgery. In and out on the same day. This was a hell of a lot different for what I was willingly letting myself in for. I left hospital still in immense pain and I pretty much cried in the car on the way home and got into bed instantly when I got home. I didn't feel better at all but they needed the beds on the ward so they discharged me.
I felt my worse for about a month after the operation. I had chronic constipation, pain in my abdomen, trouble going for a pee, barely sleeping, being sick etc. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This was all happening whilst my kidney function was dropping. It was now at 5% and I felt like crap. My energy levels were at their lowest and I could barely get out of bed. I think this was my lowest point so far.
Here is a picture of my abdomen, two weeks or so after surgery.
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